splendid

ermm i am really bad in this, well went to gym as usual with my buddy little nicky. Had a session of workout and then we went for a swim and tanning at the swimming complex. Well had the best of time relaxing myself. But was damn irritated by the many little pimples pimping out of my face, i wish they recover fast. Am watching my diet for the pimples as well as workout and keeping fit.

Well at around 10.50pm went down to town to meet up with denka, steven and ganwei. And at around 12 plus we went over to traders hotel armed with vodkas and some tibits. Hahaha played big two, pokker and also 21. Well quite cool we chilled out together and this morning we had breakfast at cartel fuck it was really good man the breakfast.

days are counting down already

well well, had a good dinner, maybe also one of the lasting outing i will be having with my friends in the academy before we all got seperated from each other.

Well was pretty rush when i reach home, i got changed and rush down to yio chu kang to meet up with si yuan and after that picked up daniel and weidong on the way. When we reach there, almost everyone was there already. Well as usual talk lotsa of cock, and broke my rule of not smoking, i swear to god that i will stop this thing and really get down to quitting. Talk lotsa of crap with si yuan and talk about the photoshoot we are go to have for each others portfolio.(Sweet)
Well went home at around 11.30pm and reach home ard 12am.

Well went tracking this week, and along the way, I went pass Joyce old house, though its now on renovation, but still it brought back many memories. I don't know why, but its really very crazy, pretty much along the walk I am just constantly thinking of her. Thats pretty sucky i guess.

sunday blues for me

well back to camp again, well from now another 2 more weeks, holy shit time really pass damn fast. I know i am going to get my results this week. Well whether pass anot i will let god decide for me. I studied real hard, but i am not even sure if i would pass. So does that mean all the reading and writing of notes are all rubbish fuck i don't understand.

Well i have written quite a no. of craps i guess i would just take em off the link in friendster as from today. life is just to fucked up for me as time passes everyday.

lethargic weak

well well, had a very tiring day. Before i went to the gym, i was packing my bag and i found the two tickets that we bought to enter sentosa, i really enjoyed that day with her.

Well back to the entry of my day.Went working out with my bud Little Nicky, man i would say he say he was very helpful. He gave me many tips on what I should be working out on my body. Well am very glad to have got out from my bed to go to the gym with him. We train for around 2hours before leaving the place for stadium, where I ran one round within 1min 19secs it was pretty slow man, cause I was expecting something faster then that. But I am already feeling at the best ever since i quitted smoking. Really hope I would not go back to that again.

After that the two of us just went to the swimming pool to have a good tan, well really a tan man cause i really feel my body burning, and lucky thing was that nicky brought sun lotion if not i think my skin will feel worse, the tanning brought back memories where I went to sentosa with her, I really felt like a fool, to not have treasure the time I had with her and complaining of this and that, when now I realise how much fun it was and the things we could now still be doing if things didn't change.

Went down to Cinelesiure for a meal at Cafe Cartel, ermm talk abit with Nic and know he wasn't really feeling good. Don't wish to elaborate more. But well, I hope he will get over it soon.

Well I am missing the person that I love so much as well. I don't even know how to comprehend, maybe Nic knows how i feel only after talking just now. Though I can say that I won't be dewell in it, but the thing is that time after time I am just lying to myself, to say that I have let everything pass me but when the truth is that every minute my mind is still flashing memories of her. I wonder how is she now, haven seen her for awhile already. Hope she is really fine.

Well got to end this entry.
The song that I am listening to now is one of my favourite songs she recommended to me and send me. What the fuck man, I am just a bastard fuck.
I went in to camp missing her, thinking that in camp i would be able to forget about what happen, but it didn't and now as i am going to pass out from the academy everything is just like yesterday even my emotions and everything. It sucks man. My heart still aches at times when I am thinking about her. I don't know why, and i don't know when will this thoughts ever stop.

I will treasure and keep the tickets. Just want to keep those nice memories of her.

Now listening to Utada Hikaru - Final Distance

splitting days are up ahead

yes! 2 more weeks. I just finish my exams and also my physical fitness test. Wee! Finally got em over with, though i might not know if i would pass my exams, but nevertheless i still felt relieved. Well the whole squad is feeling the excitment, as each department are asking for assistance. Which means we are going to be seperated, well not sure if we would ever get to see each other again but one thing is for sure, everyone is glad that they have gone through 6 months of training together, through all the hardship sharing all the ups and downs together in camp.

And my physical fitness test(IPPT) once again I attain a Silver, and this time the only improvment i had was in my running, which I clocked in at a time of 10.5min, I am quite happy with the results that i attain. But still i was quite disappointed with my overall results as i had a knee injury, due to a basketball game the night before and it was dragging me all the way through the 5 stations, with the shuttle run being hit the worse. But i am still glad that our whole squad attain very good results in this times IPPT and everyone did a great job.

Its really fun to look back, after 6months how much we have gone through in the academy. Maybe our training are a little less tougher then the SAF, but i am sure one thing is that we are more stressed up then those guys.

Gona be going to the gym Today with Little Nic, then after that a short stint of sun tanning and then erm maybe off to town with him. Erm maybe later tonite to Tong's hse to play with his Jack Russels. I am so in love with Doggies.

Well signing off now.

Rgds
Gordon

finally the hype is over

Well back to serious stuff! Finally the CNY thingy is all over, and right after this many would be celebrateing Valentines day. But for me I lost its significancy on that day. But still my wishes goes out to all my dudes with their girlfriends.

Would be up to my exams again, next week is gona be a jam pack session, with all the test and exams all coming up together. Am very stress at this moment, would really be nice to enjoy myself thoroughly after all this is over. And all my pimples are popping all over my face rite now, they say its because I worry too much and also think too much. And looking back I think I really have. Still I took some fried chicken and stuff at Denka's place, man he was having some thai cuisine, man i think it almost fried my throat man, and i play BINGO at his place with Ian, fuck man the two of us bought 20 worth of tickets and didn't even manage to win, but when Denka's friend sat down instantly she won about 200 bucks from one ticket, fuck was she lucky. Maybe I just don't have that sort of luck.

Well am enjoying and savouring every moment in life now. Well I just want to enjoy myself, maybe I am finally realising what life really means, and I am really changing. I am not saying that I am enjoying the process or am I saying that I have changed thoroughly, but its good to see myself changing, like a caterpillar morphing into another stage of life. Maybe I was not like this the last time, but I am finally see myself getting more life force in me. I think I have really learn to understand and also care for others.

Well would really like to wish all of my friends and dudes a Happy valentines day.

Now listening to Zhang Zhi Chen feat Jiang Mei Qi - Ai Qing

fucked up once again

damn i am down with flu again. Wat the fuck man. I am always sick, it has ever since started when i entered the academy, it really sucks and espcially when my exams are drawing so damn close, and here i am stranded in this shit.

Damn, got to go back to studies, just reformatted my comp and there is pretty much many more things yet to be retrived back, gona get them back asap. Hopefully i can.

There is nothing much for me to write in this entry about.

Just all my friends enjoy their valentines day.

Woa CNY

POps! PoPs! its CNY finally, but to me this day don't seem to be of any significant anymore. Well probably age is catching up fast and that i don't enjoy it like I use to when i was still in school.

Well still I visited my relatives, got my ang poas. Well was feeling rather sick, I am not even sure why am I again feeling sick maybe its the weather that cause all this nosense.

Or maybe because exams are drawing closer already. Am already now in the midst of studying for it. I hope i can pass it, and get on with it.

I msged her and wished her a Happy chinese new year, and i have expected that she won't reply at all. But its ok, though I was expecting her to reply. But I just got to face reality. But if she chooses not to reply then i got to accept the cold fact. Maybe she has already put me out of her mind already.

I really don't know how to comprehend how i feel now. I am just trying very hard to put her off my mind, I don't know no why, the harder i try, the more pain i feel.
Really miss her.

Well going back to PA again tonight.


Now listening to Fang Zu Ming - Zui Dong Ting

woa wee the dayee

woa wee! the Chinese New Year is finally here already. Woa never expected to have pass 1 year so fast. Maybe because so much has happen to me in the past year that i didn't realise that a new year is passing me by. Well got so much thoughts in my mind, did some reflection by myself last night. But oh well there is nothing much to say at all.

Well about to go out for my rounds of visiting, and i think i am going to bring my notes along to study when i am at someone's house. Well that sucks cause i still got to worry such rubbish even when its new year.

Never thought that i would feel so sad this new year, but i just have to embrace it all by myself. Never blame anyone or anything just have myself to blame.


Happy Lunar New Year! 2005


Now listening to Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want

countdown to a new year.

Well it’s the eve of the lunar New Year, that means a new beginning for all Chinese. Haha, well am having a headache now, don’t know why maybe not enough of sleep or something fuck man.

Well this morning I was still in camp, did 40 push up on the tar floor, fuck it was painful. My hands were like pierced by the tared road, and the reason was because we were in our drill order. Hai I don’t know what to say la, but to accept the fate. Practiced the SBT(Scenario Based Test) the whole morning in the barracks, well was pretty fun but I cut my old wound again, when I got to engross in the role play. And after walking out from camp, some of my camp mates and I went down to Toa Payoh Central to have lunch, and print some notes. Had Mos Burger, collected the notes and then it was home sweet home.

Reached home downloaded this song by Fang Zu Ming called Zui Dong Ting from Nic, cause in camp Nic and I were like talking about the song, and how much we like the slowness and meaning of the lyrics. It just reminded me so much about my feelings and how I feel now, I think Nic is sharing this same sentiments. When I listen to it I felt like crying I don’t know why. Can boys cry I sometimes ask myself, or should I just keep my tears behind. I really don’t know. Well after downloading the song, slept for like 15mins and that was it, I went down to my grandma’s house at Chinatown, she is just staying above the night market held there every Lunar New Year, well wanted to stay till midnight to witness the firecracker thingy, but well was too tired. So I went home, to sing Karaoke with my bro, cause the two of us bought a few VCDS to sing haha. Well, sang and drink abit with my bro till iIam having this sore throat now, so that’s why here I am writing this entry.

Well tomorrow would be another day I would have to go through, haha the guys wants to go ZOUK, but well just got to see how things go and what time I finish visiting. I am getting just so sick of everything, I don’t know I have that same feeling asking me to just stay in camp. I don’t know why, but on the other side of my mind its asking me to just keep away as far as possible from that place. FUCK it!

Well just msged her, wishing her a happ lunar new year! I am not expecting a reply from her, but I just feel better after being able to get an excuse to send a msg to her. Though I know she might not even reply me, and delete the msg. But its ok.

Well feeling tired again, I guess I would just go to bed again, just have that headache thingy coming back to me again. Good night.

And oh ya if any peeps who is reading my blog, and is a fan of the Singapore idol winner taufik, let me give you a hint where is he serving his NS now, at Bukit Batok NPC as a police officer, go try your luck to see him there, or if you guys want to lodge any report and want to see him, try your luck there. Hahaha.

KK got to end here, tml got to check frontal’s Webby again. Yawnz! Keke
1 min more to chinese new year

happy lunar new year to all my bros! Too many to name haha you guys know who you are.

Now listening to Fang Zui Ming – Zui Dong Ting

Well another day closer to CNY. And also another day closer to the day I pass out from TRACOM, well I don’t know how I should feel at this present moment. I know for sure that I will not weep, been too much of a baby last time. Well so much to look forward too in this new coming year, my posting to my vocation after I pass out from TRACOM, and also the one the excites me most would be whether my pictures will be posted on Frontal’s website, cause that night a guy came up to us and took a picture of me and all my mates. I think I am going to do some studying later and do up the stupid crown for the Chinese new year thingy with red packets.

Well I really hope I would be able to wish Joyce a Happy Chinese new year.

I know even if I do msg her she would not reply me, cause I tired it the last time for Christmas and New year. I don’t have any intentions at all but still i would msg her, i only hope that she won't forget me, i just don't want to even lose her as a friend. If that is so wrong for me to think this way, I am really really sorry.


Well gona go get some bah kua to eat. My mouth is itching for some bah kua, fuck man. Hahaha gona get some pineapple tarts from jason’s mum cause they taste fabulous. Haha and my mum made some kueh Lapis again ermm YUM YUM, I love this time of the year where I get to taste sweet things, and I hope I could really taste the sweetness just for this day and numb the bitterness for just that one day.


Well Got to sign off now.


Now listening to Splender – I think God Can Explain

saturday itself

Well met up with Denka and Ian, for a short shopping trip. Brought Denka and Ian to the RABBIT SHOP which I often patronize with her. Really felt something amiss maybe its because she is no longer by my side. But I still ordered the same food I always had while was there, they made me make the order and I don’t know what got into me I ordered the set which she often eat for Ian. Maybe I am still missing her a lot, I just can’t lie to myself by telling myself that I can take it easy. Well after dinner, we walk around. Denka said he wanted to get a wallet so we went down to Palais Renaissance, where he wanted to look at the PRADA wallet, but just too bad the PRADA there sells only female wear. So in the end we walk down to Paragon, along the way we saw this shop beside the Thai Embassy, woa they were selling mango juices and my eyes were like opening as big as I could. And so we went in to try it out, everything in there has got something to do with Mango, I couldn’t believe my eyes and I know I must try no matter what, I ordered a mango juice with mango cube and coconut sago, to me the drink was fantastic, cause I was always a mango fanatic haha, Ian and Denka was like : “phew this drink suck” haha, I know I would still go to that shop again.

We walked down all the way, and I didn’t even complain a fucking word. I guess I have really learned to take things easy and just enjoy and savour every moment which I have lost so much in camp. It really felt disgusted whenever I think of how I was like the last time. I think I preferred myself now. When we reached paragon Denka didn’t really like the wallet in PRADA, so in the end we ended up in GUCCI instead and in the end he bought a GUCCI wallet for 300bucks, while I was there I saw my cousin with his girlfriend haha and I think he was getting a bag for her. After getting the wallet went over to Taka went to HUGO BOSS I wanted to get the belt that I saw the other time, but I think it was like sold out. So I just gave it a miss, and Denka saw his Uncle who was the owner of JEAN YIP groups of saloon. Well he really like a boss with style, even had a sales girl walking around with him recommending him clothes. Cool, just like Denka. Hahaha. After that thing. We went over to Millenia Walk to meet up with Ganwei, and as usual he was late, so I suggested to them that we walk over to MARINA SQUARE, there wasn’t much of a difference, just that they had some renovations here and there. That place really brings back many memories, that was the place where I had Kenny Rogers with her, maybe she has forgotten, but not for me. Really would like to go there one of this days, its been awhile since I had Kenny Roger’s pot pie.

Then Ganwei finally came by, he was driving his father’s Mercedes and not his Toyota Atlis, well it was much more comfy I would say, cause after all it’s a Mercedes. I hope to get my license soon and get a car after that. Keke. After that we traveled down to 1 fullerton’s Baker’s Inn, which I wanted something sweet and in the I ordered a choclate puff top with ice cream and chocolate syrup and a glass of evian, Denka ordered curry chicken and Ganwei a sandwhich, which I don’t know what its called. After all the shopping and eating, I finally ended my day by taking a train back and listening to my mp3 player as usual feeling so emotional as I walked back, thinking of the times I use to had there.

But well here I am writing this entry means its time for me to drop onto my bed again, tml I got to pack my room and study for my exams, which is like round the corner of the week after Chinese new year. And Friday I am going to INDOCHINE for some NUS bash thingy organize by Denka’s friend Sheena.

Well off to bed now good nite.


Now listening to Jay Zhou – 2004 Wu Yu Lun Bi Yan Chang Hui Live – Dao Dai

zoukoutz nite

Well had lotsa of fun at ZOUK as usual. Well left home at 10.30pm, met up with Wei Dong and Nic at Ang Mo Kio Mrt Ctrl and from there we took a cab down. Reached there saw Denka wanted to ask Denka to sign me in that night but well he promised to sign another guy in already. But he brought me over to the members lounge at ZOUK which was the first time I entered there. Well nothing really great in there, had some Chivas which Denka offered me and Jason. Haha, wanted to ask Steven down that night but he was getting ready and spring cleaning his house. Well so in the end I did not force him down. Ordered 2 jugs of long island tea, 1 jug of vodka Lime, a Bacardi breezer(Peach) and also Vodka Ribena(i think it is) cause there was a cherry inside. Well went off at around 2.30am, well was too exhausted after the morning soccer game i had that morning and felt abit high after all the boozing. Well Denka and Gavin the two party animal party till late, and the whole night long they were at PHUTURE and VELVET UNDERGROUND, while i was at zouk's dancefloor wanted to go over to PHUTURE but it was like so pack. And the two crazy fella's partied till 4.30am. Hahaha.

Well this was another night clubbing and i never had the urged to smoke at all despite my friend having a pack of it, maybe i getting there already cause dancing is just another alternative to destress and i made a promise which i will stand by it. Well it was really a very very very fun night and i really enjoyed myself dancing and boozing but still something was amiss i just can't comprehend, I don't want to whine over anything that night just wanna have some fun on that thats all. And not care about my own emotion thoughts of sad and stress just hate it.


Now listening to UNKLE - reign

Closer

Well had lotsa of fun at ZOUK as usual. Well left home at 10.30pm, met up with Wei Dong and Nic at Ang Mo Kio Mrt Ctrl and from there we took a cab down. Reached there saw Denka wanted to ask Denka to sign me in that night but well he promised to sign another guy in already. But he brought me over to the members lounge at ZOUK which was the first time I entered there. Well nothing really great in there, had some Chivas which Denka offered me and Jason. Haha, wanted to ask Steven down that night but he was getting ready and spring cleaning his house. Well so in the end I did not force him down. Ordered 2 jugs of long island tea, 1 jug of vodka Lime, a Bacardi breezer(Peach) and also Vodka Ribena(I am not sure if it is) cause there was a cherry in the drink. After all the boozing the gang dropped down to the dance floor. Well dance till around 2.30 at ZOUK but felt abit high and exhausted after all the drinking and dancing, and I was so very exhausted already, had to stop already. Picked up a juice magazine and some Zouk Post cards along the way out. And Denka that party animal with gavin was partying away at PHUTURE and then at VELVET UNDERGROUND till 4am for Denka and 4.30am FOR Gavin. Well for the second time I didn’t touch any cigarettes, and I didn’t have the urged, dancing was also a great way to relieve stress and it kept me from thinking of smoking, and just to have fun not to think of things that would make me feel sad or stress.

Now listening to Alex Toh - Wu Xing Shang Hai

Cny is coming

Well will be Chinese New Year soon! Ermm and soon after that will be valentines day, but here I am going to spend it in camp. Even if I am outside I know I would be spending it alone or I should that this day has become so insignificant to me already. Well I just have to blame myself for not treasuring and cherishing the moment that when I was with her. And only now am I left to regret it, and writing this down in the journal it just shows how pathetic I am. I don’t wish to let her know all this, but initially I would not deny that I have the intention of let her know how I felt that’s why I put the web address on my friendster’s profile to tell her about my happenings in camp. But as time passed by I feel that its quite pointless maybe she is not reading my entries at all or maybe I think she just feel that I a psycho, I really don’t wish to make her think this way. Its not that I have already forgotten about her, but I just don’t wish to make her feel sad or anything, cause no matter what she is always in my mind. Maybe this entry she would not be reading it. I will soon be taking off the web address of my blog in my friendster blog and keep all this as my memories but I will continue to write on all my happenings. Many people who have read my blog might think that I am a pathetic idiot who dewells in the past. I would still hope that one day she will read the blog, or if she is reading it she will save the web address before I take em off this Sunday before I report to camp.

My only wish is to be in her arms when I feel tired. And not care about what others think.

Coming back to my life in Police academy, well this week is rather a relaxing week. We had all the excursions, like the heritage tour and the tour to the home affairs building, it was really an eye opener for me as I really learn a lot a lot like the background of the 4 main religions in Singapore as well as learning more about the Singapore police force and its evolution to the current state. As well as I got to choose my vocation this week, I choose the special operation command which might require me to go for another 7 weeks training at ulu pandan, I don’t know why maybe at that time I feel like there is nothing to pull me back from doing the extreme, but after awhile of thinking I changed my choice and I hope I didn’t made the wrong one. Well had a pretty good week I guess, there wasn’t anything crazy going on.

Well am going to ZOUK already. Hahaha. I think I am going to drink lesser. And I think I am really kicking the bad habit of smoking, I hope I won’t go back to it again. Maybe she changed and made me determine to quit it. Well I really feel great now. Erm in a few mins time I am off to zouk.. I Feel tired but I want to release all my anguish and everything and all the things that was going through my mind during this week in camp. I really hope I could release it all.

Well she hasn't got her advertising book from me yet, maybe she dosen't want me to personally to pass the book back to her. But i really hope that if she feels awkward in seeing me, i could pass the book to steven and it din't hinder her. I hope she would let me know.

Hmm test is coming the week after chinese new year and i hope i can still get to pass it to her or steven to pass it to her.

Well good day people I am off to zouk. Bye Yawn feeling abit tired keke.


Now listening to Lee Sheng Jie – Yuan Zuo Gao Fei