Has anyone got this feeling of having to wake up everyday and reliving that same feeling or missing that same someone. Its really something really terrible, espcialy when you thought that you've gotten over everything but that same hurt just comes back and haunt you. Its as if its not had enough you just yet and its trying to devour whatever is left of you.
I was surfing on msn that nite and there she was as well, for the along time had i not seen her on msn. I know I shouldn't have msged her, but still i don't what made me type a whole chunk of words and click on the SEND button, i know i shouldn't have,but but......i just can't help it. I am realy not sure what came over me, but as soon as i send the msg my msn got disconnected and i wasn't able to return back......i thought of msging her back to tell her sorry right after the incident, but i thought she might not even care....but little did i know when i on my handphone on friday i saw her msg, and i think she was rather annoyed that i actually msged her and log off, well i really didn't mean to log off without saying anything nor did i had the intention to ry and do anything funny......maybe i shouldn't even have tried sending a msg, gordon why are you an idiot isn't the current way things good, why do i have to screw things up Fark. Well what is done is done and there is nothing i can do, i just think that i am realy stupid to have actually done such a thing, all i wanted was to just ask how she is and everything got so complicated, i am realy piss with myself as well. Tried replying her msg and explain what happen to my msn but to no avil like all other msgs that i have send to her in the past there wasn't any reply, well maybe i am another person who has walk into her life and images of me diminish as time wears off......
I don't even know whether have i let her off my mind already, i know its been quite sometime but still i find it very hard to let go. Though its hard to let go of things but i know if she is happy i would be for her as well, if she is going through any tough times, i could still lend her my shoulders and ears and cheer her up in my not so funny jokes.
But i don't that chance would ever come, as many of times i think maybe my name was even taken off from her msn.
I don't blame her, cause its understandable.
Well enough of thought for this entry. Well got to go do some reflection on what i have did.
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